I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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