I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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