I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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