highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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