The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
