I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
