i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
