Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
