Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
