i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
