I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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