a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
