I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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