new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
