Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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