someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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