somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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