If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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