The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
