I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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