And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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