Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize