Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
