some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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