Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
