sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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