The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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