can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
