Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
