Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
