I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
