Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Bring me that man meat
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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