where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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