1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
