It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
