i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
