I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
