i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
