Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
