We won't sleep together?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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