i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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