she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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