Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
