There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize