im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i've created a new STD.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
