I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
