i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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