are you so shy because you have an std?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
