Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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