What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
