Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just invented taco cereal.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize