summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
