So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
