"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
