could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize