I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
