Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
