Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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