Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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