I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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