Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
