I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
