my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
