i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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