The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
