dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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