hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
