He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
