all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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