the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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