Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
