I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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