life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
