Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
