instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
