My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Your cock deserves a montage
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
