He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
being pregnant is like rehab
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I need water and some morals
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
