Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
