oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
