Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
