I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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