Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
