You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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