so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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