Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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