Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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