just tell him i said nine months
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
