I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
