At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
