dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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