batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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