so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
