I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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