Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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