im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
