Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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