dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
