I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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