My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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