the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
