I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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