I puked a lego.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
